MiND PiFF

The Sky Wore like a black dress, the stars white polka dots. They were everywhere, as if the universe decided to host a social that night. Who else would really?

With space comes silence. There’s comfortable silence and then there’s nails digging into your back silence, the silence that tugs at your heart with tiny strings. This was the former, the silence that shuts the world off, and you are simply… just alive.

The snow was falling fast, a cold blanket for the overworked ground. Flakes finding their way inside the brim of my gloves, keeping my wrists cold. My face was brimming with energy from the wind slapping my cheeks and light, tasty flurries tickling my lips. Inside me my heart was beating triumphantly, trying not to explode. I could feel little love guppies swimming through my body, even inhabiting my toes.

She looked at me.

She looked at me with a half wide smile and glowing eyes. Everything about the way she looked at me was trying to tell the same story.

Every where around us was the world trying to surround us, but we were in a wrinkle. Too much emotion could do that. It could lift you up by the back of your shirt with two fingers and toss you into the surreal. The real but not quite, it’s a little more magical, a little more in-touch with things. That’s where we were. We were detached from any social conventions or traditional understandings. We were venturing into the unknown; the unknown within ourselves. You would be surprised how little we know ourselves and how another person can act as a spyglass for our souls.

She looked absolutely beautiful, like she was made from a mixture of angel wings and halos, smiles and wishes that came true. I felt as though my words could end wars when around her and in a way they would.

We were walking to the top of the highest hill we could find, our feet sinking about 6 inches or so with each step. It’s funny how you tend to leave a trail when your not lost. We were dragging two, old rusty tin, garbage pail lids behind us. We had tied them up with some old pastry box string. No way were these leshes going to come home with us.

I was excited to sled down this big ole’ hill, it had been years since my last joyride and never before had I been here past midnight. The whole course was empty. Suburbia had taken cover from the winters’ first snow storm. We reached the top, I felt as though I had reached the highest point in all the land, because as far as I could see… I saw the top of everything.

We felt like we wanted to lay down so we found a nice spot under a plump pine tree and we sank our backs into the snow. Into my own head I went until her voice snapped me back into the moment. “Just be and everything will compile into you, voices that aren’t spoken will be felt and languages kept silent will speak. Instead of walking we will waltz and instead of talking we will sing. This is life, this is value, this …..is the way.”

Right there and then she had opened the curtains in my mind that I never knew were shut, hypnotizing me with their exotic design. I never bothered to disturb their trust.

I rolled up a tiny joint with some pot I had in my back pocket. Lit it with a match I had from an old book I had gotten at chinese restaurant. I spoke,“Wherever I go, here I am, always breathing, always alive, just the words in my mind that change. Words in a language we created and were forced to understand causing everything else to just sit like a menagerie of sand. I can’t quite identify one grain, so I just internalize all the parts as a simple whole and miss out on the story trying to be told.”

I took a hit from the joint as I observed what it really was, a plant that for some reason or another grew from the ground and in it, it has the power to shift experience just a bit. Pot allows you to see things differently and maybe figure out facets of life you couldn’t really grasp without it. It lifts upon your mind just a tad higher. I exhaled into the sky, the smoke twirled like a ribbon of enlightenment and I listened to the words she continued to set free.

“It’s so easy to let these words disappear to the backs of our minds to hide behind the concerns we conjured up inside, but no we can’t, at least not this time. We are ‘here” now, mentally, physically, and emotionally, why would we go back to understanding things in complication instead of simply…Just Being?”

For once I wasn’t resisting anything. I felt completely free. I felt free from me. Free from my own identity. Besides isn’t that what really holds us back? Wanting our identity in our minds to become alive rather then just living as life. I felt as though my surroundings engulfed me and I was just a part instead of a whole. It felt absolutely right and bliss resonated through me.

I sprung up, “Let’s Go.” “What?” she said laughingly. “Down the hill!” I shouted as I pulled her up by the hand and we hustled to edge of the hill.

Woah.

We looked at each other and at the same time saying, “Meet you down there.”

The minute or two spent flying down that hill was pure joy. I heard symphonies, collages of songs I was heard in movies. My stomach and chest was going wild inside. I didn’t know what was moving, me, the trees or the sky, heck I thought the stars were dancing…maybe they were. I felt crazy and unchained, so I jumped out. Hit the snow running, and tumbled down the hill like a less graceful slinky. Coming to a stop with my face buried into the snow….. Ah the smell of snow. My face was electrified, almost hot even from the blood overworking to keep my face warm. I started to lift myself up and then, Wham! She jumped on top of my back and my face found the same hole it had just made. She wrestled me over, on top of her. Our eyes met as I breathed in her breathe. Melting snow from my face dripping onto her nose.

Love is powerful stuff.

This was harmony, balance, understanding and embrace. She took her right glove off with her teeth, slid her hand under my jacket, below my sweater, lifted my ginny T and she touched the top of my belly. Her warm hand thawing the cold covering my skin. I couldn’t sense anything else but the magic her hand was making me feel and the look on her face that will never leave, even in absence.